Twelfth grade has been nothing short of a cacophonous frenzy. There were times in the past year when I felt like my brain was about to explode and honestly, it was difficult. Extremely so. The competition is cut-throat and we were pushed to our very limits. But now that my board results are out, it is “officially” over and boy, am I glad that it is! I have had an onslaught of college entrance examinations since the beginning of April. Even though I am done with all the important ones, I still have a few more left. I have a few good colleges in my hand, so I am in a contented mood now.
The most difficult thing about the last school year was that the studies took up so much time and energy that I hardly had time to do anything else. I had to give up reading books because whenever I start reading something and begin to like it, I get sucked into the world and I lose control. I can’t stop reading the book until and unless I finish it. And at the end of the day, it does have a negative impact on my studies because I find myself reading a story when I should’ve been studying. Due to this reason, I hardly read a few books last year. But now that my examinations are nearly over, I have the time again to read. Just writing that sentence alone made my heart leap up with joy! Even though I controlled my reading last year, what I didn’t control was my habit of buying books. So now, I have a ton of unread books just sitting on my bookshelf and I can’t wait to start with them.
( All of my unread books. There are a few more but they’re with my uber awesome Di for the time being. )
I’ve also decided to create a book blog because I really want to do features like book reviews and book tags. You can find the link here (I still have a LOT of work left). A book blog is a definitive place to do it. I’m also going to start writing on Wattpad again. There are a few book challenges that I’ve always wanted to do and I finally have the time to get my creative brain working. This blog has always been a solace wherein I can share all my thoughts without having the need to hold back and I’m going to start uploading this frequently too. I’m also going to start drawing too because I’ve had a crazy idea to cover my door with cartoons. I’m REALLY looking forward to doing all this.
As I’m reading over this blog, I feel as if it may be a bit vague and I truly am sorry if it has turned out to be so, my dears. I have been out of touch with this for quite a few months and it is going to take a bit of time to get the hang of it again. Stick with me till then, please?
I am sitting with my laptop after nearly a month and as I type away my combined thoughts of so many days, I can feel the knot in my brain slowly opening itself and letting all the gyri and sulci breathe. These past few days have gone by in a whirlpool with the looming threat of exams and then the ongoing stress due to exams. And this is something that I hate about the Indian education system. The boards, combined with the government’s nod of approval, put just far too much stress on kids – right from the beginning. Marks are important. I am not saying that it isn’t. But when we all grow up to be forty-somethings, would it really matter at all whether we got a fifty out of fifty or a thirty out of fifty in a test held by the school in a certain month on a certain subject. The answer is no. But parents and teachers, they don’t really understand that. These marks and the inevitable competition arising out of it have led to so many rude words being exchanged and so many friendships being broken. I have seen this before my eyes and all of this saddens me because life is so much more than a mere combination of digits on a piece of paper. But I consider myself to be lucky in this case, at least. My mum and dad aren’t very strict and they don’t go hard on me if I do bad. They simply inspire me to do better. But a very close friend of mine was just telling me a few days back about her parents being really strict on her lately. It has been stressing her lately and I wish could do something to help her.
Speaking of exams, I had my Biology paper today but it has been raining so much in Kolkata for the past two days that the city has come to a standstill with water clogging up in the streets everywhere. There is water in the metro station itself and there was a river right outside my apartment in the morning. All the schools gave a “rainy day” and my exam got postponed. This really annoyed me because now I will have to prepare all the chapters again and believe me when I say this but there are only limited number of times when a person can read about Eohippus, Mesohippus, Merychippus and Equus without losing sanity. Those are the different names given to the different stages of the evolution of the horse, by the way. I have my English Literature paper on Monday and this is one subject that I truly love. I originally come from a not-so-big town and in my years of living there, my control over the English language was something that I was really insecure about. Then my dad got transferred to Bhubaneswar and studying in Loyola was a roller coaster journey. I was really pushed to my boundaries and speaking in English for so many hours daily made me more and more confident with each passing day. I had always loved reading books but over there, so many of my friends were bibliophiles like me and combining everything, I fell in love with the language. Now, an extremely special mention must be made of a certain bespectacled girl who fuelled my infinite craving for books and most importantly, introduced me to the magical world of Harry Potter. Those endless discussions about the series with her are some of my fondest memories till date. I haven’t been able to read a novel in the past few months and I can feel myself suffocating slowly. I find myself fantasizing about the books that I am going to read after 12th grade gets over from time to time. There are many titles there in the list but “A Thousand Splendid Suns” of Khaled Hossieni walks away with the cake. I had read “The Kite Runner” sometime last year and since then I have been dying to land my hands on this one. TKR was such a good book riddled with the basics of human emotion and I have been told by cousin that ATSS is even better.
And as I wrap this up, news comes to me that Roger Federer is through to the Wimbledon finals after having just beaten Andy Murray and this makes me a happy girl. Fedex has an undeniable charm and elegance on the court and I always root for him. I really hope that he lifts the cup again on the court this Sunday. Also, Sania Mirza has entered the women’s doubles final with Martina Hingis and at the same time Leander Paes has entered the mixed doubles final with Hingis as well. I really wish that these Indians win the finals and make the country proud. With a loads of wishes for all of them, I bid adieu for today.
Have an enjoyable day/night, my dears.
Lately I have been thinking about life, just in general. And I have come to the conclusion that it is just a BIG unfathomably deep ocean of relativity. We have to work hard to be successful in any field. And that makes sense. But what we tend to forget sometimes is that it ALSO depends on how well others perform.
Suppose you get 92 out of 100 in some test. It is pretty good, right? Now, if there are 25 others who have got more than 92 then your marks somehow losses its value before others. But if there are only, say, 2 more people who have got more than you then you will be hailed by all. And this is what I mean, life is a big big big pool of relativity. You have to do good.. there is no alternative to that. But others have to perform worse than you to give you that sense and security of “doing good”. And I hate this.
I absolutely hate this.
And the worst thing is that I can’t do anything about it. None of us can. There is no security for anyone in this world. Doesn’t matter if you are a world famous scientist.. you might just wake up tomorrow to find out that you have Alzheimer’s. Or suppose you are a famous actor but tomorrow there just might be someone better than you. And this is all so RELATIVE.
I’m not sure if this makes any sense at all but I just needed to let all these thoughts out. Writing all this doesn’t change anything. Life is unfair. All I’m going to tell myself is – suck it up.
The Modi government completes one year and I have got only one humble request to them : I want to feel safe as I walk down the streets. So please make sure that the female population of our country is not robbed off of this basic human right.
On another note, I got my maths test paper back and I have done well. So super happy about it. I wish that this momentum continues. I had a physics test today and I think I have definitely done above average. I have to work on the bone-breaking projects again and maybe I will do an all nighter today. I will do all the graphs and the stupid diagrams as long as my headphones are on to help me survive through all this torture. Because music helps. Period.
Be You. Because you are one in a gazillion. 🙂