Now that school is over and I will be off to college in a few more weeks, I wonder what is going to happen to the friendships that I had forged since seventh grade (had to change school during the school year). If the past few weeks are any indication, I’m probably going to end up just being a memory in everyone’s lives. Because honestly, that is what I feel like I’ve become – a memory. Nothing more. There are times when I feel as I’m not important enough. I’m that girl who’ll help you with your projects the day before the date of submission, who’ll help you with a question the day before the exam, who’ll clear your doubts before entering the examination hall, who’ll motivate you when you need it the most and I suppose, that’s where it all ends. Time and again, I get neglected and ignored by so many people. And I’m sick of this. I’m sick of being pushed to the sidebars by everyone – friends, family, teachers and just life, in general, I guess. I don’t whimper. I don’t wallow in my sadness. I don’t get depressed when life has been unfair. I don’t believe in the excuse called “luck”. But there are times when I wish that life would just cut me a break.
The past few weeks have been quite full of disappointment, to be honest. I didn’t get into either of my dream colleges and it hurts. A lot. I’ve always dreamt of studying in them for such a long time but when, at last, I realized that I’m not good enough for either of them, it was as if someone had knocked the air out my body. I’ve full belief in myself and I was sure that I’d get in at least one of them. Even though I worked my ass off for the last four years, I guess I didn’t work hard enough. I should’ve worked harder. I tried and tried and tried and tried but at the end of the day, I was defeated. Now I’ll have to attend the college which had always been my safety net. I knew that it was always going to be there ready to catch me if I were to make a mistake somewhere. And it did. The majority of me is disappointed with the end result. But a part of me is trying to make me see the silver lining. At the end of the day, it is still a very good college and I’m going to give the next four years my all. I’m going to work much harder and I AM going to gift my mum and dad the smile which I was unable to give them this year. I AM going to make them proud. It’s tough being a girl in India. Even though I’ve always been an achiever when it comes to academics, there are always going to be certain people who undermine me. Who think I’m not good enough. A blood relation once mentioned a quote in passing about
apparently how important boys are, which when translated to English means – a gold ring is a gold ring.. doesn’t matter if it is still in perfect shape or not (here, “gold” as in a boy). And the irony of this statement was that, it was a woman who had said this to my mum. She thinks that I’m coal. What she doesn’t know is that diamonds actually come from coal.